Worry-Wart

PhruityPheebles
Nov 14, 2020
2 min read

Updated: Sep 8, 2023

Recommended for people 21+

Content and Trigger Warnings: isolation, mental health, mental illness, mental illness episode, anxiety

A picture of my small one-bed room apartment where I lived alone during the 2020 pandemic. It is cozy, decorated with colorful star lights that hang over a reading chair.

The more time I spend alone, the more time I spend in isolation, there are gnawing fears in the back of my mind that like to haunt me.

It's bad enough that I worry about everything all the time, no matter how big or small the object of my worry is, but I also worry about my mental health. Being a mentally unstable person, I just worry.

I worry that no one truly, deeply, knows me.

I worry that no one could understand what I need more than I can, especially in a crisis.

I worry that if I react in a manner that is not like me, will people even know?

I worry that if I ever get to the point where I have completely lost it, will people write me off? Will they realize that's not me?

I worry that once people really experience the full extent of my mental illnesses, that they'll run for the hills.

I want to think that the few people I have left in my life, the few people I rely on, will see me, for me.

I am more than my hardest days, and my hardest days don't define me now or ever. But those hard days, I fear that when they come, they will turn off the people I care about.

I hope that one day, I will have finally built such a strong support system that I never, ever have to worry again. For the most part.

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